Today, July 5th….holds a special place in my heart. It was this day 1 year ago I said goodbye to my son for the 1st time. Not as bad you think….It was my 1st day back to work after I have given birth. Many of you may think I am overreacting (*my other half*), but it was a very emotional day for me.
As a 1st time parent and after spending almost 3 months at home with my son, I had a hard time letting go of him. It went from spending all my time with him 24/7 to dropping him off at the babysitter for more than 9 hours!!!
He was so little and I knew he needed me. How do I know he will be okay at the babysitter? What if he cried the whole time? But he didn’t. It didn’t even dawn on him that I was gone. 😦 Separation anxiety is a REAL thing.
As I hugged him and handed him to the babysitter….I wanted to just take him back and put him back in the car and drive. The babysitter was so positive and made it a “fast” goodbye and not linger with it. She said everything will be okay, said goodbye and closed the door.
My whole drive to work was a emotional roller-coaster.
At one point on my way, I stopped at the side of road and cried my eyes out. I even turned around to go back to go get him….but eventually I knew I had to leave him there.
When I finally was at work (which I was late), all I wanted to do was leave and go pick him up already. I tried ever excuse in the book to try and leave work….but my boss denied me each time. She (who is a mother of 4) said she only doing it because it will be easier for me to trust and let go.
4 o clock came…ran to my car and drove. I was SUPER happy because I couldn’t wait to see my son. We got home, and enjoyed the rest of the night.
People say….earlier you return to work, the better. I think it is true. I think if I stayed home any more, I would more harder time letting him go because I would be more attached. There are days where I wish I could just stay home with him, but I know that keeping him in this routine is beneficial in the end.
Am I the only one who was a train-wreck the 1st time you left your child?